Miserable

There were no tears in my eyes, just sadness and a bit of loneliness but no confusion as I stood on the edge, ready to push me over. “Wait!” a voice came from behind as my body swayed for a while “why? When I know you’d try to convince me when I can’t be convinced?” I replied not turning back “But, you can give me a chance at least. To try” he replied. “There is a whole lot of world out there for me, I know. There are a million fetishes for me to enjoy, I know. But knowing everything, I feel like it’s a waste, not because I’ve given up but because I know it’s not worth trying” I stated. “Well, what’s the explanation for? I mean if you’re so convinced then why justify?” He asked “are you really that deranged or did you just attempt pathetically at stalling me? You stop a man about to jump off a cliff try to talk him into not doing it then ask him why he’s explaining himself. That could be a good joke on any other occasion my friend but right now, it’s just stupidly ironic” I replied. “Did you lose someone or something? I mean it’s pretty stupid to ask for you wouldn’t be here staring in the face of tranquility assuming it is bound over the epidemic otherwise but still” he said “well yes, I did lose someone an acquaintance of my soothing symphony of awakened posture, my only mate to be precise” I replied slightly tilting my head side-wards as I caught a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye “well how did she die? I mean you’re not doing this over a breakup sort of are you?” he asked trying to act light “well, I’m not so much wanderer on estranged paths so I know what is love and the extremity after which madness and foolish acts begin cursed upon by folly acts. She died peacefully, I killed her and I’m not saying this out of guilt due to a conscience which strikes me with the emotion that somehow my actions engendered her depart to the next world or anything but because I know how I stuck that knife in her stomach as she looked at me in my eyes ready to die peacefully. I’m not even sorry for killing her because I know she’d be there to welcome me on the far end” I replied. “You know, when I came here I too wanted to die like you for I was mistaken with the delusional thought that somehow I am the most miserable person on the face of Earth and death is the only solution possible or worth trying to embrace the serene infinity where I could find a meaning or wouldn’t need to find anything, but then I saw you and realized that you are far more pitiful than I could ever be and believe me, if you stay around for a while you too will discover another reason to live. I thought my wife was everything to me, I loved her so much and then I returned home today and in an instant I was told she was gone, forever. Far away than I could ever reach and you can’t even begin to imagine how much I loved her, so get off there before I come and push you myself” he spoke in a bit louder voice this time, I kept quiet for a second and then slowly sat down looking at the nothingness below me, the pull of gravity seemed too much strong to me and I could feel my soul slipping into perdition slowly like sand slips out from a clenched fist. “You know I couldn’t kill you, even if I wanted to even if I was about to die the next second after killing you for I’m not afraid of my scruples to drive me insane but because I can’t take away the gift of life from another person and you’re just throwing it away” he spoke again maybe my silence was pushing him haywire. I exhaled heavily and closed my eyes for a moment as I swayed but before I’d scatter my being into the swift air I wanted him to know something, “love you say, so simple isn’t it? Just an amalgamation of two simple syllables eh? Easy to claim but impervious to act when time comes. Losing a loved one is not the reason to die, I agree but what will I say to that stranger in the mirror when he asks me why I could not keep my promise? She was married to a man she didn’t love because of her family, their honor and their concepts everything for the society for what? She was happy at the beginning, or that’s what she put on her face as she entered the parties or what you may know as social gatherings which are nothing more than a mere way to flaunt one’s pride in front of the fellowship as everyone plays their role in the beau monde pretense. But slowly that mask of cherish cracked as she emerged from forged extradition craving the sweetness of immaculate affection, and no longer could she stay away from me, for she knew the address of love the paths she loved to stroll along did lure her back and I was more than happy to embrace her. She soon realized that the whims of this selfish world are not enough reason to keep her stranded from love in abhorrence of her own being, that she did not owe anybody anything but she did owe happiness to the kismet for giving her a chance to be human, a chance to love but she couldn’t find how to exscind all those strings another mortal being had attached to her meanwhile, her husband was a person with a new life and she meant everything to him, what she couldn’t do is take away his life without adequate reason for his viability still existed. Neither she could face her parents, for all their hopes, their plans or their fantasies which they had imposed on her under the banner of parentage, somehow she felt it was her duty to be the one to fulfill their dreams and it would have been quite idealistic and applaudable only if their dream would not have somehow resulted in snatching her existence away. There was another girl at her house, her younger sister and she worried what would happen if she did what she wanted to do the most, how her parents and the so called moral society would treat her, comparing her to her sister with drastic comments on every occasional opportunity they could squeeze out to demarcate her according to their despicable impelled dictations. Believe me, a belief leads to overwhelmingly accompaniment without thought of cause or facts which leads to biased thinking and results in forced implications which can be very dangerous. And I’m not being delirious, just being logical for that matter if you think upon it” I paused as I ran out of breath my face was red with anger and my eyes showed nothing else than rage “So, she took all of these things into account and asked me to kill her, erase all the proofs which may relate us in any ways, hence make it seem like a random murder burglary or anything but not like suicide due to affair. So I helped her evade this misery of life and now here I am to erase mine” I finished speaking and took a deep breath. “But, now, you’ve told me all of this so I might screw up with your plan. What’s your take on that Mr. I-am-so-genius?” he spoke for the sake of questioning, for trying to make me haul at him, I laughed a bit “You know you just said that, you couldn’t kill me whatever may be the reason, and now you are talking about how can I trust you for not destroying four innocent lives without reason you are a really hilarious persona Mr. I-won’t-let-him-jump” I replied as we both chuckled without so much of a joke in this dire epidemic, “You know, I even brought the knife with me which I used to kill her” I said as I pulled out a knife from my pocket, it’s blade glinted in light “Ankita Biswas… She was murdered” he said from behind, “Yep, that’s her name. They found her body pretty quick I must say, it’ll be all over the news by now I guess. I’ll be famous soon for they have to search for the murderer eh” I spoke lightly and then looked down again, slowly I kept tossed the knife sideways, it landed on a few meters away “but, I was talking about my wife” he spoke again and in I shot backwards to look at his face, he looked at me through watery eyes as he scrutinized my familiar looking face, he jumped and grabbed the knife and held me by my collar, it happened so quickly that I could do nothing but stare in shock. I kept looking at him in horror and grief as he thrust the knife in my stomach, I could feel the pain and blood gushing out as I winced in pain. I laughed as my heart started beating slower with each beat “and you said you couldn’t kill me” I said looking at him through mocking eyes “I’m sorry for what I did to you; I know you can’t forgive me but I’ll pray that you get over this. Thanks for sending me back to her. She didn’t love you anyways so one way or another you had to stumble across the ludicrous reality you were stuck into. Grotesque isn’t it, the way we discover things” I said as his eyes flared at me. After a short while I closed my eyes as he let me go to nestle in the hopefulness of death they condemned with dreary. He stood there for a few moments with tears flowing down his cheeks as he sunk down on his knees. Then he took the bloody knife in his hand and purged himself of the bindings he held to this extravaganza called life. As he gasped for air on his knees, a few people came running to him, as they saw him writhing on the ground “wait, don’t…” he tried to speak but couldn’t complete. As he was being loaded in the ambulance a policeman came running to him from the police van standing beside, “Ajay Biswas?” he asked him “yes that would be me” he replied exhaustedly “I just received confirmation on the wireless that they have found the man who shot your wife” he told me. “No you can’t I just… Did you just say my wife was shot?” he asked and his eyes widened in shock as he realized how miserable he was.

Written By:

Atul Shrotriya

Amaanat

 “We want justice! We want justice!” I shouted in anger, with vivid banners and a thousand flames following me, depicting my thoughts as we carried forward the candle march with pride, authority and duty of being a human. ‘A 23 year old girl was raped yesterday in Delhi in a bus, by 6 demonic monsters shaped like men. She was returning with a friend at roughly 9 p.m. in the night, as a few of them commented rashly over her, he confronted them and they threw him out of the running bus and raped the girl one by one finally ramming a rod in her vagina and throwing her out of the bus naked and helpless. The dreaded situation was horrifically amplified by the facts that no one noticed the abhorrent bus as it ran through the city stopping at signals and no one came to help the girl as she lay there suffering. Really a shameful event for the whole nation’ the newspaper read and hence the idea of justice was infused in our minds. Some wanted a death penalty for the accused men while other favored to torture them ravaging their spirits to the length where they could not make out the difference between pain and any other emotion they ever knew of. Dying painfully is easier than living shamefully, and that’s exactly what I wanted to prove to those criminals against humanity. Everyone was dressed in black with anger or sadness sprawling across each face but as we marched across a shop there was a group of guys looking at our way, one of them with a cigarette in his hand laughed and commented “they pretend they are doing good for the country, such a waste of time trying to show off” his companions joined him too in his laughter, I scoffed at his petite thinking “such jerks are the reasons behind these shameful events which blot the nation’s image” I said to my girlfriend walking beside me motioning in their direction.

Rally was about to end when my cellphone rang it was my mom, “hello” I said picking up the phone, “beta, come home urgently, there is a problem come as quickly as possible” she screamed on the other edge. I realized the gravity of situation and ran to my bike “I have to go, something’s come up” I mimed to my girlfriend as I saw her confused expression. As I sped through the roads, imagining various things that could’ve happened, as I passed through Chandani Square, I heard a scream from the corner the whole market was empty because everyone had gone to the rally, for a second I thought the possibility of some potential unjustness but then I had no time to waste and moreover people were nowadays bent on trying every prank they could find to irritate the general public, so I drove on speeding faster desperate to reach home in time. As I reached home, I found my mother on the gate with cellphone in her hand and sweat on her forehead, in a worried tone she spoke “your sister called about 5 minutes ago, she was saying that there were some guys stalking her as she was returning from the coaching, she’s at Chandani Square where the…” before my mother could complete her sentence I started my bike and took off again, my heart was beating fast with each breath I took, cursing myself for not checking up on that place and how that could’ve been my sister, my head was throbbing badly with all these thoughts but still, I kept speeding.

I called my sister’s phone, I could hear it ring but she didn’t pick it up, tears were running down my cheeks as I drove madly across each and every corner I could find shouting her name like a mad dog, then she picked up my phone and in a broken and shaky voice she spoke to me “bhaiya, come on the road behind Paalki Petrol Pump” and disconnected the phone. I saw her standing as I stopped my bike and ran up to her, I looked at her for a second, she had a piece of glass tightly clenched in her hand, the glass piece had pierced her hand also and blood was flowing out, she didn’t look at me but kept staring blankly at the man lying a few meters away, he was bleeding heavily. I hugged her tightly in my arms as I thanked god again and again in my mind. She broke into sobs as she cried and pushed me apart I looked at her confused, she went forward and sat beside the man, “I don’t want him to die, bhaiya” she spoke through her tears “I’ve already called the ambulance but they are taking so much time to come, please do something bhaiya, please” she cried bitterly as tears flowed down her cheeks, I kept looking at her, trying to conclude whether this guy was the savior or the martyr and if she wanted to save him due to gratitude or the basic fear of killing a person. She turned him around and my eyes widened with rage as I realized it was the same guy from earlier who commented upon our rally as showoff and unnecessary, but then she took his head in her hands as if caringly, “do you know him?” I finally asked my sister sitting beside her as I called 108 again and again but they kept on putting me at hold. “No, there were 3 guys who were following me from the coaching, I called mom and told her about them, I tried calling you but you phone was out of reach, then my cellphone lost signal as I entered here and one of them grabbed my hand, I screamed but no one came instead of him, he tried talking but they weren’t ready to listen and they had cricket bats in their hands, they warned him to leave but he didn’t. He stood for my honor and so they beat him to the ground again and again as he stood up against them each time, he injured badly one of them, so scared by this, they ran off and he wasn’t able to pick himself again” I looked at his face and realized how much right he was, he didn’t have any expression of pain on his face just remorse that he couldn’t stand up more long.

As we were taking him to the hospital in ambulance, he was fighting with death and life while doctors tried to save him with various equipment they had. His cellphone in his pocket rang I took it out ‘MOM’ the letters flashed on the screen, I picked it up but before I could say anything the woman on the other edge blurted “Beta, I called you half an hour ago, you said you were on your way back. Don’t you realize how serious this is? Your dad had a stroke and we’re now Pragati Hospital, please come as soon as possible beta, why aren’t you saying anything?” her voice was broken and I could tell she was crying I was shocked as I realized how much of a great man this person, she needed an answer quick but I didn’t know how to speak…

This story is dedicated to that unfortunate girl. Hope she gets well soon.

Written By:

Atul Shrotriya