Saturday 19 November 2011

Lover

(Curtain rises)

Scene: A church filled with hundreds of people, waiting for a beloved saint to show up. Everyone grows silent as he eventually shows up. He is well known across the country, not for his knowledge but his ways of enchantment.

The Saint (addressing the people) – “Ask for those who keep the silence can’t be answered.”

Finally a hand emerges from the crowd, a man stands up.

The person – “Sir I want you to tell me about love and its loss…”

The Saint – “Ah love! (He exclaims with delight) Love my son, can be defined in different ways there is love in a father’s scolding, there is love in mother’s hug, there is love in a partner’s kiss etc. People, you will find love everywhere, even the hardest person can be the person you love the most. But god is just one. People throw away their lives by means of suicide due to loss of a lover, a lover who could practically be termed as unfaithful because he abandoned the person who loved him so much, without caring for that god who loves them most, the god who never stops loving anybody, throwing away god’s beautiful gift of life into waste just for another human being.

Boys, there are millions of beautiful girls out there and thousands among them are beautiful from heart and soul and you can pick any…”

He was interrupted in between as a hand shot up in the air and before he could respond, a man stood up and spoke in between.

The Man – “But there is just one girl among the thousands of them whom god chose for you, the one that’s truly made for you, only one girl whose presence makes the presence of millions of other girls irrelevant and makes them invisible. And when that girl goes away from you, the only thing you can do is go back… Back to your god and ask him, ‘why did you give me so much pain? Why? Why did you do this if you love me so much? And why did you create me in the first place if you wanted me sad?’ And maybe then you’ll find some comfort.”

People were now looking at this newly originated offender with open mouth. There were murmurs which soon turned to chaos. The girls who were earlier giggling at their profound sense of beauty were now getting complexes by just the mention of someone special. The priest spoke up finally restoring the peace.

The Saint – “Don’t be distressed my people, calm down. Strong words my child…strong words indeed, but my son, life has its own ups and downs. It has various meanings which you probably can’t comprehend at this point of time, maybe that’s why you’re saying all this. There are many surprises in life, many things you can cherish, that make one’s life worth living. Perhaps you haven’t discovered them yet, but if you try, happiness isn’t that hard to find. After all, god wanted men to see everything and be happy with what he has. Its man who craves for more than required. You have been sent here for a reason and your existence is necessary for the deeds you are destined to perform, but if you turn back from your responsibilities, then perhaps even god will think twice before he forgives you.

Like me, I have been sent by god to inform you of his presence and cherish the life he gave to us all.”

The saint had now turned his attention to the crowd but his eyes were still transfixed over the out bursting one. Slowly but confidently, the guy again raised his hand.

The Saint – “Yes my son, you have something to say?”

All the eyes once again turned to the guy and slowly irritant murmurs began to float through the people.

Somebody said – “Throw this pessimist distractor away from this meeting of god.”

Another person said – “Why do such people come to these places if all they want to do is criticize the holy purpose.”

One man shouted – “He’s a messenger of Satan! He’s trying to lure us falsely! Let’s teach him a lesson!”

The boy did not respond. His eyes showed disrespect but at the same time, he managed to be excessively calm, his eyes resting on the face of the saint. Finally, the saint spoke up.

The Saint – “Silence!!”

His loud voice startled everyone. People were shocked at this reaction of his.

The Saint – “You have no right to disrespect any person as long as you are sitting in this holy place. I command you to leave this church if you can’t hold your patience. Now let him speak.”

The Man – “When you have come down to such a low point in life that even your soul doesn’t allow you to think of going up, you lose faith and instead of being thankful to god, you begin to question and curse his for giving you such a life. They say love is life, and when you have lost the only person you loved the most, the only person who meant so much to you, who perhaps meant everything to you, you lose the meaning of your life or rather you lose yourself. And then there’s no such thing (he said emphasizing on the word thing) left in the entire universe which you can find to give you the comfort you desire. And the more you search, the more you discover, the little details that hurt you even more and you lose the meaning of life. You say happiness is easy to find, would god be happy about me, his own creation asking him about his ways arguing him over his so called dictatorship in my life.”

Slowly the man had changed the subject from others to himself. Driven with such force, he seemed unstoppable, his words hitting the exact center points pinpointing every dark corner. He continued…

The Man – “You said god wanted me to be happy, it is me who craves for more. All I ask for is my love; give me back my rightful soul mate. All I ask for is what is mine. Do I ask for so much? Am I being selfish? I ask for a reason, I ask for a reason from that god that why in the world he compelled me to question his authority if he wanted me to be happy? Why? All I require to live is love; my love…Is my demand unfulfillable? Then why in the first place he wrote her in my destiny? Why did he make me meet her? However distracted I may be, how can I miscomprehend my only irreplaceable love? How?

How can I complete my deeds, how can I fulfill my responsibility when he took away the only aim I had? If someone snatched your god from you, what will you do? How will you complete your destiny when your god is no longer there for you? Tell me, how long will you search, and what will you do when you can’t find him?”

The man looked like he had gone insane; he had lost his sense like he wasn’t there anymore, he was in his own doomed world. The people were gawking at him with wide eyes, shame in their wide eyes as they realized how truthful his words were. He spoke again this time addressing other people.

The Man – “Sure throw me away from here; throw me away as far as you can. Keep throwing me until you find satisfaction. If I can’t be happy, at least I can make you happy, come on people, I won’t be compelled. No not at all. You ask why I came here, well I came here in hope of finding some way to reconnect. But I guess, I was wrong, how you can explain something to a person who has lost all hope, who just is not ready to be happy. How can you explain anything to a person who only understands love and how can you give love to a person when he has lost it all. When he has forgotten the meaning of love when all he wants to do is curse his fate and trod along. You want to teach me a lesson, make sure you do: a lesson of life. Just do whatever you want if that makes you happy. When I can’t be happy, at least I can try to take away your stress.”

He had now stopped speaking; his eyes were full of tears. Heads of most of the people were hung down with the heaviness of shame for accusing him falsely while the rest held their heads up to show their support and appreciation. The Saint spoke up again.

The Saint – “My son, I am sure, there’s nothing I can do right now to ease your pain. I don’t know what you have been through, I don’t know what’s on your mind, and all I can say is be patient, trust over the god, and leave everything in his hands. Let the moment pass, slowly and slowly time will heal the pain. Believe me; it will heal all of your pains. And you’ll once again be happy.”

The saint had a light accent but his face was still sincere, maybe his last effort, one final act to convince the guy who could now be considered as a rebellion against him and maybe also god. People nodded in agreement with the saint. But to everyone’s surprise, the guy spoke up again. It seemed as if this common gathering had transformed into a private discussion between the two people while the rest were just listeners to them. Listeners who were uncertain whose side they were on and agreed to the both of them now.

The Man – “You say time will heal the pain, I have been waiting for years now, just to let the moment pass, just to let the time heal my pain but the pain won’t heal, it keeps getting worse, every year the dates come again and again, the memories from the past stab you again and again making the wound even deeper. The good times haunt you and year after year, you slowly eat yourself up. There is no healing of this pain; there is no getting over her…

You ask me to believe in god, I lost my god long ago; my god was my only love. And now I have come to your god, and it seems your god welcomes me but I don’t require an affectionate welcome, all I require is my love. I don’t want any god, I want my love back and there’s no god that can do that, so maybe not in this world but at least I can hope to find her in the next world where there is happiness that is me and her together. Maybe I’ll find her there… maybe not, but at least there is a hope.”

The guy had mentioned for the first time about his lover. Everyone in the church was sympathetic towards him and also helpless at the same time. There was pin-drop silence among the audience. Emotions were on the brink. Ladies were on the brink of bursting into tears after listening to such a sad person. Men were on the brink to leave their chairs and hug this guy tightly. The crowd, who wanted to throw him out a minute ago, was now more than interested in knowing his story. Maybe god exists, maybe he does not, but right now, no one was to debate on that. All they wanted to do was help this person by any means they could. All kind of people, businessmen, engineers, trainers, accountants etc., people who never thought well for anyone else in their whole lives, just eager to lend a helping hand to a stranger the had just met barely five minutes ago, the same stranger they wanted to kill two minutes ago. The saint finally spoke up again.

The Saint – “My son, for the first time in my life, I have nothing to say, nothing to recommend, I will ask my god tonight while I pray that how to face you when I meet you again. But before I do that I just want to know who you are?”

His voice was polite and low; the guy looked at the saint and said.

The Man – “I am a misjudged and mistreated man of destiny; I am the imperfect creation of god. Although my love is immortal, I fell in love with a mortal human. And I hold no regrets for that.

But now, I am nothing… In this loveless world, I am nothing more than her lover.”

The man closed his eyes and turned his head towards the ceiling, two tears rolled down upon his cheeks. No-one spoke anything, many of the girls and ladies were sobbing silently, and a man put his hand around his shoulders another held his hand in both of his palms. He slowly stood up and started walking towards the gate.

Someone said – “The man is broken down to the soul, he has suffered too much for a human being. Perhaps he has gone through the worse...”

Another person said – “Yes! He has been cheated by fate. He has probably been wronged by god himself.”

One man shouted – “He is god himself! He has come to show us the value of love in our lives. Bow to him, for he is none other than god.”

Ironically, the same crowd was giving out these comments about him. He had just been transformed from the messenger of Satan to god himself. Even god had been compromised at the moment to soothe and sympathize to him. Him, ‘a stranger’! And they left their god, the god they had been worshipping for years in just 5 minutes… Such is the power of love. The saint spoke again. He could be heard speaking as the man left the church.

The Saint – “Yes, maybe god chose him to tell you to value your love and I too would advise you to love like this is your last moment on Earth, because if you don’t one day you will lose your chance…” (Fades)

(Curtain closes).

Written By:

Atul Shrotriya.

Saturday 27 August 2011

Life... A Series of Unfortunate Fortunes

Part - 1.o1 – A Familiar Stranger

I was slowly walking by the road, with a list of grocery items clenched in my hand along with some money. In short intervals of time, I was opening my fist to check on the money in my hand, fearing I may have dropped some of it. Slowly, I walked up to the point where I had to cross the road by looking at both the sides as had been instructed by my mother. But something told me not to step on that road, something in the back of my mind didn't allow me to cross the road today, the same road that I crossed hundreds of times while playing with my friends, the same road I ran across to buy my favorite candy.

I was standing there thinking when someone held my left hand gently. Startled, I looked up to see an elder girl smiling at me, she looked beautiful, I wanted to trust her sisterly grip, But an inner part of me was scared, scared to cross the road or rather scared to trust her. My dad had told me not to talk or interact in any ways with a stranger, and here she was, swaying my promises, promises that I had made to dad. I looked at her and asked a bit awkwardly, "You aren't going to kidnap me are you?" in a slow but steady tone. Her smile turned into laughter, and she said, "No beta, I am not going to kidnap you, I am just helping you cross the road." Her laughter was so pure, so true that I believed her without further ado. She told me, "Walk by my side only." There was care in her eyes for me. We started crossing the road, she held out her left hand as we crossed the road and in a tiny bit, we were on the other side.

I started walking towards the shop when she asked me, "What is your name beta?" It felt so good when she called me 'beta'. It felt like she was my real sister. "My name is Vaibhav. Can I call you didi?" I asked shyly, hoping she won’t mind. "Yes of course you can call me didi", she said smiling, her smile was so addictive that I felt if I could keep talking while looking at her smiling face. "You are buying something right?", she asked and I nodded slowly. "Let me help you." she said and we walked towards the shop. She took my list of groceries and gave it to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper started picking out the things. "So which class are you in?" she asked me. "I am in 4th class didi." I replied, "What is your name?" I then asked curiously. She smiled and looked at me, "Smriti" she said, I looked at her and smiled "You know one of my classmates has that name too" I said. "Oh really?" she said in an amused manner and patted on my cheek. Soon the shopkeeper gave me,my things and I handed him the money. "Which chocolate do you like by the way?" she asked me. "Dairy milk" I replied excitedly. "Can you give me a dairy milk please" she asked the shopkeeper. I stared at her as the shopkeeper handed her a dairy milk and she gave it to me after paying the shopkeeper. "This is for you" she said. "Thank you!" I said and we started walking towards the road. There wasn't much traffic on the road this time, "Which class are you in?" I asked her, "I am in college beta" she replied smiling. "Do you have any younger brother?" I asked in a low voice. She laughed and replied "Yes... you are!" I looked at her with wide eyes while she kept on laughing; I wondered what seemed so funny to her? And how she could always be happy? Are all elder girls like this or is she special. We had already crossed the road by now. "You can go back from here right?" she asked in a caring manner. "Yes" I replied smiling. "Will you meet me again?" I asked in a dim voice. "Yes of course we will, just don't forget me then" she said, this time we both smiled "bye didi" I said "bye and keep smiling" she said I watched her go with a smile on my face. She picked up her moped and entered the lane, while driving, she turned once and waved at me, she was still smiling…

Then everything happened so quickly, that the next 10 seconds became one of the worst 10 seconds of my life, she looked back at the road, and a car was coming from the front, she turned her handle and applied the brakes, her moped skidded and she fell on the road, the car stopped with a long screech, everyone turned around to look in that direction, my legs instantly sprinted in her direction but before I could even get a little closer, a huge tug on my collar pulled me back and I watched a huge truck crush the air I was standing in a second ago, I watched the truck go in front of me, my face had now turned white with fear, not the fear of what would’ve happened if that truck had went over me but with fear as I watched it go towards her, the truck driver had already applied brakes and beneath the screeching of tires, my shout totally disappeared, “didi!” I yelled with my full force but even my own ears couldn’t hear my voice…

I shut my eyes tightly, hoping that it’ll all go away when I opened them. Slowly, fearing what I’d see I opened my eyes and in one flash I saw, the truck was now standing by the side of the road, someone was screaming, there was blood all over the road, I wished that it may all go away, I wished that I may be the superhero who could change it back to normal, change it all, I just wished I wasn’t even here, I just wished and wished hoping that even one of my wishes may come true and do some good…

I had shut my eyes again now and tears were rolling down my cheeks, I felt the grip on my shoulder someone’s hand was still grabbing me. I was sobbing bitterly, slowly the grip loosened and the same hand that had saved me earlier was now patting on my back.

After a few seconds someone asked in my ear, “was she your sister?” I couldn’t reply to that question as she was so much like a sister to me but still a stranger in the eyes of the world… After a short time the same voice asked me again, “beta was she your sister?” a couple of drops flowed from my tightly shut eyes and a faint and broken sound came out from my mouth “yes” and darkness filled my vision…

I shook my head back to the present and felt my fingers thrusting in Smriti’s arm. And I realized that as terrible that incident was, it made me the caring brother that I am today. Every time I look at my baby sister I see a glimpse of Smriti didi in her eyes…

Written by:

Atul Shrotriya,

Juhi Shrivastava

Edited By:

Jugal Shrivastava

Thursday 14 April 2011

Desired Perplexity

O thy majesty, may thou bloom,

Or shall I lighten your presence with the gentle moon?

I shan't bear the wrath as your face hardens,

Punish me thy grace or let me be pardoned.

Thou crush my heart, humble and fragile,

Perhaps this is one of the wonders inflicted by thy smile.

Don't be intrigued by my flabbergasted sense,

Inception and induction may have diminished my stance.

Like those memories of thee I cherish,

I pray thine happiness flourish and sorrows perish.

If you can't love me, try not to hate me,

If you can't live with me, try not to abrogate me.

Is it thine love the cause for I am lulled,

Or art these mine impetutous fantasies by virtue of which I am pulled?

Mine impoverished self is laved by thy fathomless beauty,

Or whence art these quiverings coming from?

Rather this is mine sepulcher's treaty.

May be slushes hung down before a storm.

Why do I pant, as my inners tumult?

Art thine hues so impalpable?

That this be the abhorence before I am set up on thy grace's catapult,

Privileged to know my monochromatic chasms aren't worth smothering, thine callous to unlovable.

If you can't love me, try not to hate me,

If you can't live with me, try not to abrogate me...

Written By : Atul Shrotriya

Monday 3 January 2011

Clouds Cry For Me...

"I have to go for now... please understand" she said in a simple tone convincing me to the heights of hell, I just wanted to look in her beautiful ocean like eyes forever, but I didn't have time, neither did she... Nowdays, my recent enemy was the time, tick tock of my wrist watch just irritated me to no extent and finally, my brain because he had a habit to just stop working whenever my ears implied her name to it...
"Can't you wait, just a little more?" I asked helplessly, even now, my eyes were just fixed on her face... her complexions, her movements... I could read everything, her smile which she served me sheepishly from her red lips on her pink cheeks... her cheeks, absolutely flawless, soft like the silvery clouds...
She came closer to me... and then tightly hugged me, I could stay in her sweet floral essence forever everything seemed to go in a flash, next second her lips were pressed to mine her tounge caught my lips and soon I was hearing the wild throbbing of my brain. It said 'pull off Ronnie pull off, we are on a restaurant bench, not on your bedroom sofa I am sure, she won't like it...' but my heart, it just said two simple words in large beats... "Sweet Lipstick". I was about to vanish in the fluidity of this intense love, when her eyes came to remind of the heavens after death.
"you know, I have to go" saying this, she flanked another smile at my face. I was about to cry as she walked away with my heart... but I felt that it would not be ideal to bid her a goodbye with such a face... besides, my brain croaked... boys don't cry.
I paid the bills to the waiter, who had a wide grin on his face... the bill was not much but still he was happy. I just paid him some satisfactory tip and walked to the door of the restaurant to breathe in some fresh sunlight... the sun felt stingy for the moment its creaminess had gone away with my queen. I just felt horrible like a patient who just needs some oxygen but the idiotic doctor comes to tell him that the oxygen is not there and all he can do is die...
But well I had to live now atleast for her. The next place my bike haulted, was in the baseball stadium, though I was not a good player, but still my queen... my Andie liked my stance. I asked the pitcher to throw the ball... An hour later, I was on my bike again searching for some fun.
The brakes of my bike released smoke the next time when I was on an empty road, a few of my school juniors, were playing on with their bikes, probably learning new stunts to impress the neighbouring girls. I also joined them, as I liked to perform stunts on my bike... half an hour later, I was in the middle of an insane stoppie, when my mobile barked "Andie Calling" the word Andie, simply made my ears hypersensitive and my hand flew to my pocket leaving the bike to go crazy...
After that everything seemed to go in a flash, one second, I was leaning on my bike like a monkey, next second, I was leaning on my friend's shoulder, after they had removed the bike from my leg...
I first went to the company garage for my bike service, they totalled an amount of 500 bucks for the repairs, limpimg I managed to the local hospital for some sonography and treatment. They told me that everything was all right, I just wanted to slap the doctor, because I had often heard them saying "Don't worry, there is nothing to worry but we will have to cut his leg..." but I hoped that my parents had done my insurance. Soon the doctor told me that it is just a sprain, and I will be released soon...
I hoped that their soon would come fast, because I didn't want to reach home late. When the clock ticked 8:00 pm, the doctor came up to me and took a medical chekup... He just had one condition 'I must call my family members including a girl, to pick me up...' I just phoned Andie, but to my demise, she never picked up her phone... I tried many other numbers, but all were busy, at last my school senior came to pick me up for a dinner I was to offer her any day.
As I reached home, I felt a bit driziness, probably because of the CO2 thumping devilishly in my lungs. My mom was ready at the gate with her mobile and some money, I knew where I had to go...
When I started my bike in front of the Mobile recharge centre, the fuel needle just moved a half millimetre. I turned the engine to life and soon I was at the petrol pump. The petrol pump was at an odd place, though the place was good, but it messed up with the beauty of the nature around it. The growl of thunder made me aware of the man at the side of my bike asking how much to fill my tank. I simply handed him 500 bucks and he quickly counted them and put his handle like pipe on my bike... I looked at the hills around me, when I saw Andie sitting on one of them, I could make out simply from where I was... she was facing towards the other side with her back towards me...but she was not alone, there was someone beside her, grabbing her in his arms, he set off the fire sleeping inside my heart which was extinguished by the winds of love long ago...
As soon as I was finished filling my tank, I picked up my bike and went around the hill to see her face to face. The chilling wind and tiny droplets of rain didn't matter much to me, as they numbed my almost bare chest, I just checked the pocket knife in my right pocket. It was safely tucked there with delicacy.
The face of Andie, was remarkable she was just stunned to see me there, but not a drop of horror inflicted her beautiful face. After a second, I heard her voice in my ears, I stopped slowly after a long brake of 2 metres. When she came to me, her face was booming with happiness, "Who is he?" I asked in a threatening voice which made her smile disappear. "Listen I can explain this..." she said to me in a convincing tone. "I don't want any explainations from you...". As I took out the pocket knife from my pocket, I finally noticed the look of fear on her face. "It's gonna hurt, it will last long..." I said pionting my knife towards her... I saw the other guy running towards us, too late... "you don't need to do this..." Andie said in a croaky voice... "I never meant to do this..." I simply replied.
Soon I was walking towards my bike grasping my knife tightly... both of my hands were dripping with blood and the rain was trying to dilute the intense blood along with my senses, I was about to fall off like a dried leaf when I was caught by two arms, they were warm and soft they didn't seem to shiver or shake, soon I was lying down on Andie's lap, my palms could feel the gushing of blood as my senses began to numb... though her face was sheilding me, the tears from her eyes felt like loads of hot,salty Mercury drops and they flowed effortlessly, faster than the blood flowing out from my wrists...
Soon I woke up in the hospital to know that it was Andie's younger cousin whom I had mistaken for her new boyfriend or so... just after letting me know the whole truth, I saw a thousand expressions cross her face anger, amazement, love etc. I could not face my parents in this condition, but they were standing by my side at this moment with a thousand phrases to blurt... I could feel their gazes pierce my skin... I was soon eased as Andie bent down on my face to kiss me shielding the world from me through her intimately soft hair, I could see the lights fade as her hair drew a curtain for me...

I wrote this story around "Tuesday, 1 December 2009" but someone asked me for it to start posting with something now it's been over a year with this as the only post in his blog, so I claimed it back...

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